I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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