Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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