I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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