I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
