I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You left your phone here
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