What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
