When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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