we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌