i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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