I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything