i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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