dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
