how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
