Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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