shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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