I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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