i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think your dad took our porno
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
