my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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