We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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