last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
