so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
