I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
