ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
