would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My cat gives me a boner
high people should be assigned attendants
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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