We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
