I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
