I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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