i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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