Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
