shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
