'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
