wat bout pragnant strippers??
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
