Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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