this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
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I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
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Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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