you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
false alarm, still single
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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