I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
