You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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