I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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