Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
