Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
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My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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