Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
