Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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