he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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