I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Let's get the cat blown out
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
