I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
