its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
