The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
