I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
