we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
