Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
