i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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