If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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