She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm always down for nudity.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
