and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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