wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
