sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
