i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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