You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
