His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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