I murdered the dance floor call the cops
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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