I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize