Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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