paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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