what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
