and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
